its was a lovely day September time I had been to work in Manchester in the morning and was making my way back to the car when my phone rang. I didn’t know the number and answered. Hi babe how u been….
it was K. As soon as I heard his voice all the love I felt for him resurfaced, I felt elated he’s phoned me he wanted to talk to me..stay strong Karen don’t give in if he asks for money you knew this call would come one day. I tried to sound annoyed at the fact he called what you want?
To see you.
I want to talk to you…
Why has the romance of the year…’ I have all the love I need with L’ move on… finished? I couldn’t help myself from being a bit nasty he had hurt me so badly and I wanted him to know my pain hadn’t healed yet.
I just want to see you?
mmm and what would the lovely Leeza say?
I don’t want to talk about her it’s finished, I have just read your letter….
What the letter I wrote when we split up,
she must have opened it and hid it
really so that’s why you were saying things about it to me when we broke up on the phone?
I didn’t read it til now….
i didn’t believe him but I want to see where this was going.
Will you come and see me please, I want to see you.
if I come don’t ask me for money.
i won’t I promise. Where are you?
At the MRI I have just finished work.
So you can come over now?
Yes I suppose. I so wanted to see him again but knew if I did I wouldn’t be able to say no to him if he asked me for money.
Ok I am with my brother we are picking up a puppy. Will you come to the flat.?
How long will you be?
About an hour.
Ok I will get something to eat and meet you there.
I made my way out of Manchester and went to get some fuel. He called again, you will come over won’t you?
I told you yes!
Ok good I really want to see you… And I am sorry…
It was Friday I didn’t have to be anywhere I had nothing to loose! He wanted to be with me or at least see me what harm would it do?
I set off towards Macclesfield. Part of my brain was screaming at me don’t do this, he will only want you for money. But I couldn’t say no…the pull was to great.
I thought this will be my test, I can do this my HP will guide me and prove its existence!
It did I got a puncture! FFS on a roundabout I had seen the tyre needed a bit of air the day before but in my usual tardy way left it. So now I was getting a bit of devine intervention. I managed to get off the roundabout and was at the side of the road on a dual carriage way coming up to rush hour! Marvellous! I phoned the rescue service but they were going to be an hour….I phoned him. I have a puncture….where are you? I explained where I was. How long before the rescue gets there? About an hour. Ok well we will come. Ok thanks. Stay there! Erm not going anywhere lol! The puncture was on the off side nearest the traffic, but after about 20 minutes a man stopped and asked if I was ok. Puncture! I say but have phoned the AA (automobile association not alcoholics annonimous) how long will they be? The man asks about an hour, I can get it done for you in 5 minutes? Thank you I say but it’s very dangerous there and I would feel awful if you got hurt…. 5 minutes I can’t leave you there for an hour! I phone K and let him know… I will go the flat I say, no need we are nearly there…we arrange to meet at a retail park just down the road from where I am. The man changes my tyre and won’t accept payment. I cancel the rescue service and make my way to the retail park. 5 minutes later he jumps in the car. Had your hair cut nice! Thanks. Now listen babe ( he kisses me) I need you to help me out…here we go I think…its not what you think…. It’s exactly what I think (I think) I could seein his face he was using again he was so thin….what it is I put my tv into cash converters and I need to get it out but its shut down and I need to go to a store in Manchester but if you give me the money I can pick it up tomorrow. You must think I am crazy? No but I don’t want you wasting fuel driving back to Manchester my brother will give me a lift so all I need is the money….and how much are we talking? Oh only £20…. So the same amount as a bag?? No well yes…but it’s not for a bag….K stop lying. It doesn’t work with me. I know when you are lying, I can see it in your face hear it in your voice,….ok so will you help me?
Will I pay for your drugs? No. I will give you a lift back to Macc and then I am going home. Ok but why don’t you stay?
I don’t want to stay if you are using again….come on stay at mine and we can go to yours Saturday? I don’t know…come on you know you want to ! And I did. I so wanted to be with him…where’s your phone, the battery’s dead I say, it was I had had to call him on my work phone on my last call. But he was routing thro my bag anyway. It’s a new one! Yeah I was due an upgrade in July. Nice. Thanks
So can I get a thing then love? I really don’t want to give you money K. I know I won’t ask again please then we can go to yours, we can go tonight if you want or tomorrow you can have a coupe of beers if you stay I don’t know why I can’t say no to him, it is obviously a defect in my characture I hope I have now gotten over this need to keep him happy to keep him in my life! Time will tell but for now at least ( then I mean) I couldn’t say no. So we go off to score I buy some lager on the way back to the flat, and crack one open whilst he has a dig. Time was ticking on and I wasn’t sure if I could be bothered with Friday night traffic so had another beer. We were chatting about nothing I asked if he wanted to come back to mine for the weekend? I was working back towards Manchester on the Monday so I could bring him back then, he seemed keen. I got my bag I don’t know why but I got my phone I knew the battery was dead but something guided me to it anyway ( my HP strikes again,) the case was there but no phone 😫 where’s my phone I ask him…. In your bag? No K the case is here but the phone is not, you were messing with it in the car! It must be in the car he says….so like a fool I go and look for the phone, half thinking well he will probably but it back in my bag when I go down now and say he has found it! Of course the phone wasn’t in my car! I couldn’t ring it cos the battery was dead so I knew if he had it in the flat I couldn’t catch him out. I was livid. It was obvious he had taken it. Why did I never learn! Did he think I wouldn’t notice? I went back upstairs to the flat it’s not there I say! Well I don’t know where it is…really you expect me to believe that you don’t know where my phone is you were the last one with it, he had the decency not to say anything. You really are unbelievable, I grab my bag ( check my cards are still in my purse) and go. I was mad at him for not being truthful with me after I had given him money to get drugs I was mad at myself for giving in to him, on some hope that he might actually want to be with me and not my money, I was mad at myself for not listening to my HP or Devine intervention giving me a flat tyre to stop me going to him in the first place, I felt trapped I knew really I shouldn’t drive after a couple of cans of lager but what choice did I have? I couldn’t stay with him now not after he had stolen from me. I went home bitterly disappointed at myself and at him. Why did I love this man? Did I love him so much that I go back again and again accepting his lies as the truth? It would seem so!
Of course we all know that this isn’t the end of the story….when I get home I have another beer! And then I txt him with my work phone! OMG I should have just gone to bed! But no I txt him and say I really thought he meant it when he said he wanted us to get back together. I didn’t mention the phone! All I wanted was him to want me…of course he jumped on the chance. I do want us to be together. Come and get me tomorrow we can spend the weekend together I say I can’t but maybe the following weekend. Come on love I need to get away from Macc I need a break from it all. So I’m the morning I go back and get him and bring him back to mine. He says he has meds from the doctor a home detox…could he do it at mine. Yes i say but you can’t get me running back to Macc if you can’t do it. I promise love I want to get off this. I can stay at yours for the week. So I bring him home.