Still single!

So the date thing didn’t work out for me…there were several reasons, and I actually had a long hard look at my self before making the decision to not see him again. There were 2 main reasons first, as good looking and as funny as he was something wasn’t right. ‘IT’ was missing. Normally if a good looking fella shows me interest I am like a panting dog…and this guy was, and I felt totally at ease with him but something just wasn’t clicking. Maybe because he was of a very small frame? I don’t know have been out with small men before it doesn’t usually bother me…. So I don’t know what went wrong physically šŸ˜” the second and main reason was his neediness! I like a man who is attentive that’s good, sending texts, calling showing an interest is good, sending me the right signals that everything is moving in the right direction and he likes me yep can go with that. What I was feeling uncomfortable about was his ‘pushiness’ first of all it was a txt ‘when u finish work come over and see me’ Erm no! It’s a 2 hour round trip where he lives and after work getting changed getting food and then driving over wasn’t going to happen….which is why I knew it wasn’t right. If a man says jump I usually do….so I explained I didn’t want to drive over after work, as I would be tired and it was a 2 hour drive. It then got into a bit of a battle of wills…he would come here on the train….again I am thinking I am not sure I want this man in my house we have only met once, it seems a bit full on. But I concede and agree to him coming over on Wednesday. First he wanted to come yesterday to which I said no. Later in the evening we are texting and he asked what I was doing I said just watching a bit of tv then bed….mmmm can I come was his reply. Not really I think so I txt so were you expecting to stay on Wednesday? The upshot was yes he expected to stay! I said as nicely as I could that that wasn’t going to happen, that we had only just met and that I wasn’t ready to jump into bed with him….OMG!!! Then he turned…why was I playing him along if I had no intention of sleeping with him? That I obviously lived in a Victorian age that wasn’t any use to him, that he had loads of women that he could sleep with ( yes I said then go get one!) that I needed to loosen up and get over myself….I turned the phone off after saying I didn’t have to justify to him or anyone else why I wanted to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them, that I want to know a man is worthy of me before giving myself with out reason. I woke up to 7 more txt messages. I don’t have to bore you with the details…they ranged from I am worthy of you to sorry can we start again to if you don’t want me to contact you again I will delete your number…..needy!
It’s funny when K & I weren’t together I was desperate to replace him, to have some one in my life to hang out with do stuff with, so if he called I could have said I am with someone, leave me alone a security blanket but this weekend taught me that actually I don’t care if I am with someone or not. I actually didn’t like being dictated to about when I should see someone, or sleep with them. I like to be able to do stuff when I want to do things, not because someone is telling me to. I like my freedom. Am I over K? Maybe maybe not….I don’t want him back but I don’t want a replacement either. I don’t want to be with someone just to be in a relationship, that is for sure. Date man said many women sleep with someone and stay with that person after for a long time, granted some couples do, God knows I have had one night stands in the hope of something more permanent, and maybe I have learnt from that? What I don’t want though is a ‘Jeremy Kyle’ relationship were someone is moving in after you have had a cup of tea with them! So if that makes me Victorian and uptight so be it at least I know I am not compromising myself for the sake of not being single! šŸ˜„

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