Being grateful

I follow a blog written by a guy that is in recovery, he is doing good. I enjoy reading his blogs because he is honest and I think has integrity. He gives me an insight into how an addict thinks, behaves. Of course it is only one man and it’s his journey, but I learn much. I learn about how K actually has very little control over his behaviour whilst he is in addiction. I knew that any way but it’s good to have the affirmation. He shares his journey as I share mine but he understands the 12 step programme far more than me, I still struggle, I would have liked to be more successful in my recovery. I know the theory but can’t put it into practice. I want to know how partners/ spouses live with addicts and can refuse to enable? How do they do that? Why can’t i? I have said how just today I failed again, because for me it’s easier to give in and just give him the money than put up with the constant demands cajoling lies compliments. Even now when we aren’t in a relationship why can’t I say no? Because he is in the car in close proximity? Only once last year have I been scared by his behaviour to fear for my safety, and on that occasion I didn’t give in, because I really didn’t have the money to give him without making it very difficult for me to get to work. I don’t want to live in his addiction, and he doesn’t want to be with me today more than proved that. I hope I can learn enough from my programme not to relapse again. I know I don’t want to live in addiction, when I do give in I don’t feel good, because I have failed myself. I know my journey is for me at my own pace, but when will I be able to live it for real???

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2 thoughts on “Being grateful

  1. Thanks for sharing you story. I enjoy reading your blog. I lived with an active addict for 10 yrs. It was hell. I left 5 yrs ago and my life today is peaceful. There is very little drama & chaos. I was able to forgive him. We remained very good friends, talked about getting back together…. Unfortunately he passed in October never having found his way into recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am sorry to read of his passing I suppose that is our ultimate fear. But it’s good that you remained friends and he had you on his side, I don’t know what my future holds or for K I can only hope we both find a way to be together in recovery. Thank you for your kind comments about my blog, to start with it was just a way of venting my anger but now it’s become a great way to reflect on my recovery too šŸ˜Š

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