The end is in sight….

He phoned again i didn’t answer. He txt me, I didn’t answer straight away….he asked me to call him, his phone was off. What the hell is going on he wants me to call him and his phone is off! I am not proud of what has happened over the next 48 hours but I am now really ready to move on. Eventually he answered my text. I went to my sisters and left my phone at home. I found that a bit hard to believe so just said how did you get there on the bus? ( considering he had been asking me for money!) No C picked me up and gave me a lift home this morning. Oh that’s good. I said. He was his usual funny charming self. He brought the subject around to money, his benefits had been stopped, he had to go to the food bank for food, he was giving me the big sell, could I see anyway of helping him? I said I couldn’t, but said I would get him some food and bring it over on Saturday. I got up early and went shopping for him, I called him but his phone was off again! I thought you know what, I don’t want him in my life so why have I even bothered. I think because I just wanted to see him and say good bye to say I can’t be with you you don’t want to be with me so let’s say good bye and let me move on because I can’t when you keep calling me and txt me. But I thought I can’t see him go without food, he asked me to be a friend to him and I was up for trying but not at any cost. I took the shopping home and put it away, there were a few things I wouldn’t have bought for myself but thought if I have to eat it I will. Anyway I thought I would forget about it and just get on. I was a bit cross I didn’t have the chance to tell him I didn’t want to see him again but thought in the long run it would be for the best not to see him.
So I filled the rest of my morning shopping for clothes and down the allotment. I was on my way to get some compost when my phone rang…of course it was him. I over slept I am on my way to the chemist, it shuts at 1:30 what time is it? 1:15,
can you phone me back in 10 minutes?
Yes! So I did…I have some food for you, I was going to bring it over…
Thanks maybe it would be better if you bring it tomorrow, we could go out somewhere? I will call you to let you know what time,
So I agree, I will call you tonight to sort it he says.
He didn’t call he txt me about 9pm, just said goodnight xx
I got up about 8am, I went to a friends to pick up some manure for the allotment and put it on one of the beds. I came home and got a shower re packed the shopping and gave him a call, the phone was still off. It was knocking on 10:30ish I thought I won’t be there until 12, so made the decision to go. I thought if he isn’t there I can leave the shopping and at least I haven’t lost a full day, waiting for him to call. I txt him to say I am coming to yours if you are not in I will leave the shopping at the door. When I arrived all his windows where open his flat is on the first floor, so I assumed he was in. I knocked on the door but there was no reply. As I had come in the front door I noticed that there were a couple of letters for him on the side. The penny didn’t drop right then, but it became very clear that he obviously wasn’t at home and hadn’t been at least since yesterday. He had stayed out somewhere, the letters were from the benefits agency there is no way he would not have opened them on Saturday. And as there isn’t a post on Sunday… I go back to the car, txt him to say bye K please don’t ask me for anything again I wish you well x
I was unsure of how I felt. Relief I knew if I had seen him he would have got money off me even though I had practiced in my head what I would say, I knew in my heart I couldn’t say no, without walking away. I felt a bit of frustration that I couldn’t say what I wanted, I suppose also that I couldn’t finish it hopefully at least on friendly terms. But now I realised he had very probably been away from home for 3 nights….so where was he? I was about 30 miles from his when my phone rang, I didn’t want to answer it but I suppose I wanted to hear what he had to say for himself. Where are you he asks, near Wigan on the M6 I have left the shopping, where are you?
Manchester, you know I couldn’t get anything in Macc so jumped the train, about 12 O clock
I was at yours
I know I told you not to come til I called you
And I wasn’t prepared to sit in waiting and setting off half way thro the day.
Can you pick me up?
Not really no!
I can’t get back on the train…there’s people on the gate…
Where are you?
You want me to come to Manchester?
No I am where we went to score from that black guy…
No the other side Salford…
For god sake I will call you back….
I get off the motorway and go back towards Manchester, I was on the East lancs road which brings you into Salford, so I give him a call…
There was background noise, he was making a brew, you are making a brew?
Yeah so
So you are in someone’s house, you said you were in Manchester
I am
So who’s house, how dare you if you are with her, what the hell do you think you are doing phoning me?
I haven’t seen her for months ….he changed the subject, I said again he was in a house so he obviously has slept there, and so he would be better asking her to help him out who ever it was.
He told me I was paranoid, that it was me he wanted to be with that he wasn’t with anyone he turned it round to say that I shouldn’t have gone to his that he said he would call me when he was at home, I responded by saying I didn’t want to waste my day waiting on him so dropped off the food, I didn’t want to see him.
But I did want to see him, that was the problem, and always is 😔 can you get me from the station? I am now at Bolton.
Woah! That’s where she lives! He is with her. No I will not come to Bolton You are with her. I am not. No no I won’t come to Bolton you said you were in Salford, yeah it’s the next stop its only 5 minutes away. Yes on the train! Sorry I came on to Bolton coz I can’t score in Manchester. He was tripping himself up left right and centre. But Bolton he must think I am stupid, and I am so I make my way to Bolton. He was at the station, I get In the lane to get back to Macclesfield. No we need to go straight on I need to score. I need to go the loo, I said I had been driving around about 3 hours now and was needing to go! We pull into macdonalds. Before he said he had scored already, I thought you had scored I ask. Only half a bag look if we get a couple of bags now I will have enough for tonight and in the morning. I know you have helped me with the food, but could you lend me some money and once I get my benefits sorted I will pay you back.
No you never gave me the money back last time, if you pay me that back then I know I can trust you and then maybe, but now no.
I will give it you back come with me for my medical on Tuesday they will back date my money I will give it to you, you can have my cash card…
We had had similar conversations many times before.
You said that last time K. You never gave me the money back you just fell off the planet.
Did you really think I was dead.
You are better off without me I could see how it was upsetting you that’s why I didn’t get in touch, I didn’t want to hurt you.
But you did, you owed me money and you disappeared. How can I trust you?
I was a bit pleased that I had now said what I had wanted to. The practiced response had come out. We went in to Macdonald. The toilet was upstairs, are you eating he asked, yes why? Looks like you have lost weight….mmmm very good I think he had already asked if I had had my hair cut and that it looked nice. This is how he works, compliments, makes me feel good and then I feel bad to think that he is using me.
I go to the loo and come out, we get into the car and I say, shall we continue the argument?
Come on love please, he is just up the road, then we can go somewhere.
I had thought about not bringing my cash card with me, that that way I couldn’t give him any money. But I dont like not having it on me incase something happens an emergency, plus we had sort of made plans on going out, but as it was now close to 2pm I was of the thought that that wouldn’t be happening.
I don’t know why I give in but he is like a broken record, every time I say no he always comes back with the usual I will give you the money when I get it on Tuesday, no I say you haven’t done it before why will this time be different? You know it will be you can have my card blah blah blah….I knew I wouldn’t get it back this time or any other but just to shut him him….I said this is exactly why I didn’t want to see you…I knew you would ask for money, that’s why I give in to you to shut you up. So we went to the cash point I took out £20 he came out the car I gave him the money he kissed me said thanks he’s just up the road will be 5 minutes. Should I wait here then? Yes
I go back to the car after about 10 minutes he txt me 5 mins it says. After 30 mins I txt him gonna be much longer been 30 mins? I give it another 5 mins and phone….surprise surprise phone is off. I wait 5 more minutes and txt him gone home. So I did. As I was driving I sent him one more txt btw there was mail for you at the flat that’s why I know you haven’t been at home.
I then blocked his number.
It’s now finished, he can’t contact me on that number at least. It’s over and now I can really move on. I actually got the outcome I wanted from today and to be fair a bit of shopping and £20 is worth it. I wanted to finish it I wanted to say good bye, I didn’t get that chance, to his face, but now it is over. I have been nothing to him for a while, he was desperate to contact me and I should have blocked his number on Thursday when he called me, but just one last chance to see if he really had changed. But no he hasn’t. I hope that this time I have. 😊


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