When I was living with someone in active addiction detachment was something I really struggled with, not separating the addict from the man I knew in recovery, that part I could do. Well I could hold onto the memories of the man in recovery and hope one day I would meet him again, but dealing with the man in active addiction was a lot harder.
Because of my codependent behaviours and thinking I still find it hard to detach from things that don’t necessarily have my name on it. One of the groups I have been a member of for a few years now, is changing ( as they do). We have had some strong personalities come into the room, and The ‘coziness’ of the group changed. Maybe I changed too but I struggled to let it go to let it evolve. Practicing detachment in this is difficult. Allowing our Higher Powers lead the way practicing our detachment is the only way to be able to recover from obsessiveness of people places and things.
Today I finally think I have detached with love and let the past stay there. I have been able to access information that is more or less from the horses mouth ( Facebook 😂) that my qualifier is definitely alive well and in recovery…I felt an enormous sense of well being and closure. It felt like a weight that had been sitting there had lifted. I felt a huge sense of gratitude that his HP had at last got him where he needs to be, interestingly the panic and dread I usually feel when his name comes up had gone, as early as just a few months ago when I thought I had seen him and hid, that feeling was no longer there. I was able to look at his profile and be happy that he had moved on and seemed happy. It didn’t upset me as I say it was a relief. I have no idea why he unblocked me it was by chance that ‘on this day’ popped up with his name in bold and curiosity got the better of me because he had unblocked me, but my HP guided me to where I am and this was part of my journey. It was time to detach myself from my past with love, I will be forever grateful for this journey and what I have learnt about addiction and indeed about myself but wanted to share even though the journey can be hard trust the program works because it does.