Just a quick one as I want to just put down some thoughts before going to bed…my worst time for posting I think! I actually like writing when i have just woken up and still not been influenced by the day’s events it pure it’s from my head without other thoughts or stresses influencing it, however I know my most prolific time of writing is at night…I have taken time out to take inventory of my writing my responses to others blogs, to me! What am I doing here? I know why I started but do I need to keep writing? I don’t go for affirmation from other bloggers although the odd like doesn’t go un noticed. I have had run ins with other bloggers…that’s good I appreciate honesty and we are all allowed our own opinion. I might not like it or agree with it but it’s yours so I respect it. I am not a fool.
I became a co dependent I didn’t mean to i didn’t even know what it meant! But I did I became that interfering voice telling the addict what I thought was best for him, I enabled, you have read it if you follow this. But I knew what was best, I knew what he should do, we would be happy if only he didn’t do XYZ. What do I know? He likes taking drugs let him! But have no part in it let him rob shops and houses end up in jail be put back on methadone but not on my time not in my house. Maybe I am further on in my recovery than him. That’s ok. If he wants recovery the power is in his hands…not mine. Not my business. I have much to take inventory of…my anger issues alone are going to take possibly months to address! 53 years of anger! Started well before I met the addict! Resentment again 50+ years of resentment so many negative feelings I have to work thro! 😔 but inventory I must take – a fearless moral inventory….on here I can just voice it my fears… Plenty of those…so maybe for now I will keep writing. But now I must sleep night all and thanks for reading x
hopelesslesslyaddicted 