well in a few moments I will have to set off to work….still no call. In fact I thought if he is blanking me I will call his number on my work phone at least then I know for sure if he is ignoring me as he doesn’t have my work number. In some ways knowing that he just doesn’t want to talk to me would be a relief, if he really has only hung out with me til he got his benefits sorted it would show him for what he is. But I can’t even think that. The phone is off. That is not normal. The only time it is off is when he is in a cell or the battery is dead. The only other explanation is he didn’t get paid and he has sold it for drugs. But again he would have had the phone first thing, or would he? Who knows. So I am left in limbo, he certainly didn’t pay me the money that’s one thing I do know. So now all I can do is wait another 24 hours. If he has gone to jail I might get a call tonight. If I dont I will try his number again once more. If it’s still off then I guess I will never know. Will be a case of getting on and just waiting, waiting to hopefully hear one day and get an explaination. Do I want this life style no of course not! But for now I wait…..
hopelesslesslyaddicted 
Again, you deserve better
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Yes Brad i do! Maybe i am too kind hearted maybe i need to get a bit of self worth and not fall for someone that might never change but my worse fear is hes face down in the flat with a needle sticking out of him and that my friend is a far worse thought than he might have used me again for money! Money is just that money. I cant understand why i stick by him but i do. I have told friends that have been treated far less badly to get out of their relationships but still i hang on in there on a downward spiral to heart break again and again. His phone is still off i just called, i think hes probably been arrested and gone to court this morning and sent down again. Thats my best outcome! How awful is that!!
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I hope whatever has happened you are happy and putting yourself first 🙂
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You definitely do deserve better. I’m sorry Karen I usually don’t get involved but from what I am reading in your blog my friend you are heading for a major disappointment. I have learned through my addiction about insanity. Its doing the same things expecting different results. I’ve done it for years. I hate to keep reading your pain and not say anything. But I know you already know my friend. You can’t get blood out of a rock. and you can’t make a person change. People will treat you how you allow them to. I will continue to pray for you my friend.
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Thank you Eric, today I made the decision that enough is enough. I know you when you have shared things with me in other posts about your experiences I had started to see the light. I don’t know if I am a good person, but I have tried and tried to keep him safe to show him a better way, but now I have to walk away. He has to face his future with no family to support him no real friends and now no me. I never thought I would walk away from him, and in my heart I never will, but I can’t be with him whilst he is like this. Thank you again for your support I don’t know how long my blog will last now. I still have a fair bit to tell you all. But I also have to focus on my future and living in the past might not be the healthiest way of doing it 😔
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You’re welcome Karen. I am sorry that it had to come to a end like this. It’s never easy but you have your own well being and happiness to think about. You are a great person because you care. It has nothing to do with you, unfortunately it’s his disease. It’s not your burden to take on it’s his responsibility to get help and maintain. As a addict I did not believe that. I believed that everybody owed me something and I lived my life as such until reality set in. By then I was all alone. You’re walking away was not abandoning him, It was saving yourself.Now your blog can be about you and how you have overcome and moved forward in your life. Life after addiction does exist for both the addict and the family members and loved ones. I appreciate you, your strength, your resolve and your resiliency. Give yourself a pat on the back you deserve it. I have learned so much from reading your blog and from your support and kindness. Thank you Karen. You are a winner and I hope you will continue to write your blog under your next chapter in life. 🙂
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