Humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings
New month so groups will be looking at Step 7. Our shortcomings…. I’m not to sure what I want to say on this, well I do but it was something that came up in group so it’s difficult, but it triggered my thoughts around this or at least what was said triggered my thoughts
‘I like some of my shortcomings they make me who I am!’
So that got me thinking are they then shortcomings? If we have character traits that are harmless to ourselves or to others are they character defects or shortcomings?
Whilst I understand the whole thing around enabling and allowing people to take responsibility for their own actions, to do for themselves what they can, or can’t and learn from it, helping and wanting to spread happiness – is that a shortcoming? I am blessed with some gorgous genuine kind people in my home group. They are generous in the spirit of friendship, have seen me alone and struggling and took me into their lives inviting me to do things which I wouldn’t necessarily do by myself. I don’t see that as a shortcoming and yet it was highlighted as possibly being so. Not about me personally and what these ladies had offered me, but the whole issue around wanting to make people happy. Looking after others. I suppose there is a fine line between organising someone life – caretaking and genuinely wanting other to be happy, I don’t feel as tho I am pushed into anything I don’t want to do, I am grateful for the invites I get, for being with people that understand me. When we have lived with addiction it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. Our lives focused on the addict, obsessing about what they are doing, who they are with, why they haven’t come home yet, instead of living in the moment and being grateful for having a life. Yes I am very grateful for having my group and those that have held out the hand of friendship, so no don’t you let go of those ‘shortcomings’ that make you who you are, kindness is not a weakness, wanting others to be happy is a genuine concern for the welfare of others – their spiritual wellbeing, those things are not shortcomings they are beautiful character traits, especially if they are done selflessly.
As part of my recovery I have joined another fellowship, I can’t get to face to face meetings but have access to a Skype group and an e-group. The e-group has a weekly topic, and people can share through the week. This week’s topic is Happy Endings. I’m not sure I have a ‘Happy Ending’ as such as yet, but I am starting to feel happy. Through one of my fellowship groups I have met some awesome people, these people get it, get me. We don’t have to even speak we can just be. They’ve been there lived it the same as me. That bond is hard to explain, but they will always hold a special place in my heart. So Happy Endings? Maybe be maybe not… anyway here’s my share,
Happy endings? I have thought about what to share on this topic, there was a time when I thought my life would never be happy. But that was when I was placing my happiness in the hands of others, if only he would do this or that, if only I didn’t have to do this or that for work, if only I didn’t have to do…. with the help of my HP and the fellowships I attend I understand that happiness is truly in my hands. I am not reliant on others for my happiness. If I don’t like to do something I don’t have to, because I think or feel I have to to keep others happy. Others happiness is not reliant on me or mine on them.
Yes of course I have to do things I might prefer not to, getting up at 6 to drive 150 miles because work require me to is not something I do with a ‘happy step’ but I have to be grateful that I have a job, and enough money to now enjoy things out of work time, a means to an ends!
I thought if only the addict in my life stopped using we would be happy but the relationship was toxic regardless of whether he was using or not.
I think for me it’s not so much happy endings but happy beginnings, the fellowship,the step work all contribute to me healing myself and becoming a better healthier person. I have started making some truly magical friends that understand me without me having to feel as if I have to ‘make them like me’. I can talk to them outside of group time, we have been down parallel paths they get it! They get me. We can hang out and share our war stories but not for sympathy, which I would have done in the past, but with honesty because we know we get it. If this is happiness I don’t want it to end, because for the first time in my life I feel accepted for me unjudged and not alone. I am happy.
Thank you for reading