Awesome! 

Last night I was privileged to be invited to a surprise party in celebration of a ‘first year’ in recovery party. I can’t tell you how special it was. One year clean of drugs after battling with a disease that takes so many. To be in a group of recovering addicts it’s truly magical. The hope that radiates from them is tangible. I was more than lucky to be invited as I didn’t know the guy personally but know his wife. For us affected by another’s addiction this is what we dream of, we get it wrong we push them into recovery when they don’t want it, we make them feel like shit because we want them to stop using drugs – they want to stop but it’s not that simple. In the UK rehab and detox are not easily available on the NHS we don’t have the funds for private treatment centres – that’s for the rich and famous! But last night knowing that this individual had faced his demons and will have had the resolve to stay off the drugs for a whole year was most definitely worth celebrating. This morning I thank his HP for giving him the strength to do this, for his gorgeous wife who has stood by him, and arranged his special evening and my HP for guiding me to this life where I can celebrate the successes, but also be there for those who’s loved ones haven’t got there yet. We have to remember this is their journey when the time is right they will find recovery, we have to have faith. 

I feel truly blessed that I have been given access to this amazing community, and whilst I work in my recovery give thanks for all those that are also finding theirs. 

My name is Karen – I am an addict…

I suppose this is a follow on from last night…you know I am coming to a difficult time I am getting ‘opinions’ from many right now. I had to miss my fellowship tonight because I HAD  to attend a training session for work. I missed my fellowship the experience strength and hope I so need right now. Today I felt like an addict I mean I felt how an addict must feel – yesterday I talked about faith, having faith in my ability to do what I have said I am going to do. But today that was questioned I felt as though the person in question didn’t believe me believe I could do what I said I was trying to do. Whilst I understand their concern it actually made me feel angry, sad, it made me feel as tho I couldn’t deliver, disempowered as though I was some stupid kid that couldn’t do what I said I was going to do….before my programme I would have reacted but I didn’t ok I am now but I would have reacted and accused and made a fuss. I am now just voicing my thoughts about it but  more importantly understanding how it feels for the addict when we constantly disbelieve they will say what they say they will do, when they have MADE that decision. It’s horrible. Yes the addict in my life has relapsed yes I have relapsed so many times since coming to my fellowship for the last 2 years ūüėē I don’t need  to be told that you don’t think I can do this, I need you to say I know it’s difficult I know K can be very persuasive but I have faith that you can do this,  stay strong, but if you can’t we are here for you!