Now is my time….

Days turn into weeks into months I don’t know how time passes me so fast! I mean to write but at this time of year when I am not in work I have other things to do. My allotment is in full throws of growing and needs looking after every day watering picking veg sometimes too much others not enough but learning all the time making note of how next year I will do this or won’t do that. Learning how plants need looking after like a child, you can’t just stick the in the soil and expect them to grow like I guess you can’t put kids in front of a screen and expect them to learn and develop into good people with good social skills.  This week I was blessed to see a good family in action. Some one I know has been bringing up his two kids himself and from what I have seen ( although brief) the reaction of his daughter was beautiful to see. I had popped round hadn’t been for an age, but I had loads of free time in between assignments and he had dropped me an email earlier the week before. When i arrived he was busy sorting a phone for his daughter we then went to get it from the shop. It wasn’t a flashy phone but to see her reaction and her gratitude was humbling to see. Sometimes I miss not having had kids myself especially seeing that. He’s a good dad his life style might not be conventional he smokes a bit of crack but he always has his house in order before indulging in his ‘poison’ of choice. No judgement call made on that sentence btw he could be buying 8 cans of cider for all I care. But he’s doing a good job and has his priorities sorted, and to be fair I reckon smoking a bit of crack keeps him in more control than drink would and I have seen many mothers pissed up in charge of kids. Again no judgement call just fact, and in an emergency I know who I would prefer to drive me to a hospital. Drugs have a bad press. Drugs kill and ruin lives but so does alcohol. Maybe I have wasted too much time on an addict that has no intention or strength to keep himself clean. I have also been blessed with the support of the fellowship at last find the strength to cut all ties. I have now changed my phone number so he can’t contact me. Something I should have done 2 jail sentences ago, but I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to give up on him when he kept telling me how he wanted a clean start. But there you go… Probably lost the chance with someone that was asking me to start a fresh as I wasn’t ready to cut the cord. We have a phrase in the fellowship ‘in your own time in your own way.’ I have been trying to convince myself I was working the steps was doling out my experience strength and hope  to others but not living it myself. Now is my time. I deserve a better life and hoping for another’s recovery is blocking my own. Battery about to go in my phone so will finish. My journey of living in another’s addiction is over….hopeless no more. 

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