Small little steps = big mind change

So I said I was going to look at me, and I am. At last I am putting into practice the tools I have been learning about. I really am detaching with love. I care of course but if I call and he doesn’t pick up I no longer go into panic mode. That’s cool! For me that’s bloody incredible 😀 his phone is switched off I don’t automatically assume he’s been arrested. He has a life what he does when he’s not with me is not my concern ( as long as it doesn’t impact on me)  – if my phone is off and I don’t answer he doesn’t get into a huge strop and assume the worse and if I am to get better I must do the same. Am doing the same. I know he’s not well. I know he’s using. I know he is probably involved in petty crime to fund it all, his choice. But and I know it probably sounds a very small thing rather than make it my business I am letting him do what he wants without getting involved, telling him not to, getting upset. I have to bite my tongue at times, I have to think very carefully about what I can or should ask him. He’s very private like I say, he’s also ashamed for what he’s done regarding his drug use, I have no right on making him feel worse. I might not like it, ( does he?? Of course not!) so me having cheap jibes only make him feel more worthless than he already does. I know I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about him! But I think it’s important for me to be clear. When you live with an addict it is a tightrope walk, getting out of co-dependency is hard, that line between caring and controlling. I can love the person but hate the addict. If I am with someone I am genuinely interested in what they have been doing, its normal to ask how’s your day been? What you been up to? Isn’t it? But that can be seen as interfering, nosey….why do you always think I have been up to something? I don’t I am just asking how your day has been …(guilty conscious??) so yes it’s a tightrope walk. Well my day has been long and have another early start tomorrow so signing off and going to bed. 

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