My name is Karen – I am an addict…

I suppose this is a follow on from last night…you know I am coming to a difficult time I am getting ‘opinions’ from many right now. I had to miss my fellowship tonight because I HAD  to attend a training session for work. I missed my fellowship the experience strength and hope I so need right now. Today I felt like an addict I mean I felt how an addict must feel – yesterday I talked about faith, having faith in my ability to do what I have said I am going to do. But today that was questioned I felt as though the person in question didn’t believe me believe I could do what I said I was trying to do. Whilst I understand their concern it actually made me feel angry, sad, it made me feel as tho I couldn’t deliver, disempowered as though I was some stupid kid that couldn’t do what I said I was going to do….before my programme I would have reacted but I didn’t ok I am now but I would have reacted and accused and made a fuss. I am now just voicing my thoughts about it but  more importantly understanding how it feels for the addict when we constantly disbelieve they will say what they say they will do, when they have MADE that decision. It’s horrible. Yes the addict in my life has relapsed yes I have relapsed so many times since coming to my fellowship for the last 2 years 😕 I don’t need  to be told that you don’t think I can do this, I need you to say I know it’s difficult I know K can be very persuasive but I have faith that you can do this,  stay strong, but if you can’t we are here for you! 

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