Life is never simple 

I wrote a post last week but didn’t post it to Facebook well I did then deleted it because I didn’t think it was fair that you would know something before K knew what I had to say to him. I am probably further on in my journey than I give myself credit for. I know what I want and don’t want ….no time wasters in my life now  thanks! As I am probably over half way through my life ( I certainly hope so!) So it’s probably about time 😊 I wrote to K and told him I didn’t want him to move back here on his release timing is bad just over 2 weeks til he’s out. Do I feel bad of course I do but there are a few issues that are left unresolved for me. One his recovery. If he comes back here and he relapses then what? Back to square one stuck in my own home with an addict. Two does he really love me?? He says he does and has done so much to try to prove it to me…but he’s in a safe environment he’s clean he’s off the meth on a wing full of drugs and spice but hasn’t so he says ( prescription drugs exempt from this apparently!) but doesn’t show me affection again apparently because he doesn’t like to show the others in the visiting hall his feelings in case he’s seen as weak BS! Three do still I love him? I love who I met but not once since we split up and got back together has he done anything to make me believe he loves me and so my love for him has faded of course he blames the drugs. So there is a fourth but I don’t want to go into that just yet maybe never. Let’s just say something else has happened that has  been thrown in the mix just to mess my head up even more than it already was – is! So I had no misconception that this would be easy but of course there is so much more than me just saying I don’t want him here, resettlement and probation EXPECT him to be here, he apparently is going to be licencesd to this address ( I don’t know how true that is yet??) going to have to make some phone calls..,all I know is for my happiness serenity and sanity I have to put me and my needs first, I might have to help him out but that’s help not enable to get him resettled but I HAVE to think of me and my wants before his this time. Please pray – send me positive vibes – do not judge – and support me in what is going to be a difficult few weeks x 

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