When you become a caretaker you forget the responsibilities that you have to your self. You often forget yourself completely. Everything in my life became centered around one person. My work suffered my health suffered my bank balance definitely suffered. But when you are in it in, the madness of addiction, you also forget that there is another way. The life I lived before addiction wasn’t all that good, because the codependency was there just under the surface, somewhere I had learnt that to BE someone I had to BE with someone. That I wasn’t a person in my own right.That I had to somehow be with someone to justify my existence. Even though I spent many years alone I was looking for the next relationship I HAD to be with someone to some how verify who I was. Don’t get me wrong if I wasn’t happy I wasn’t afraid to leave, in fact if anything probably stayed in bad relationships too long as so not to hurt the other person ( again putting them first) but when it became unbearable for me usually ran off. But now it’s different. I have learnt what was wrong and am working on changing it. Life is what you make it. Sometimes we are given little opportunities, if we don’t take them we will never know. But I have been given a little opportunity and I intend to take it. I know my HP wants me to be happy, I want me to be happy. In fact I am happy. I have worked on a few compulsive behaviours and got a few things under control. From others blogs and their comments I identified some areas of my life I wasn’t happy with and changed them. This weekend I am giving service at the National board for NAR-ANON it’s our quarterly board meeting. I will be able to attend the London group meeting first and I thank my HP that I am given the opportunity to meet my brothers and sisters my second family – my extended family. As we focus on step 2 and tradition 2 this month, I am grateful for my fellowship, and that I have been blessed with their unrelenting hope and encouragement. Sharing their journey’s to help me on mine. I am going to be with my people those that know the unhappy road that I have walked as they have walked it too. That is part of what you get from the fellowship – any fellowship – the sense of belonging the sense you don’t have to say anything because you all have lived it.
Then I will becoming home after spending a bit of time with my blood family, and then….well let’s just say I intend to live my life on life’s terms but doing what I want to do. Just for today I will be unafraid Especially I will not be afraid to believe that as I give to the world the world will give to me.
What ever your personal battles I wish you peace and the strength to overcome the obstacles blocking your path to serenity.