When the storms hit where I lived I didn’t have much in the way of entertainment, I still had some power left in my iPad and wrote this below, to be honest as I had no internet for almost a week I had forgotten to post it, but as I was going thro my notes I found it. The sentiment stands true what ever time of year it is so decided to post it.
In life it is often difficult for me to completely focus on just myself for an hour 30 minutes 5 minutes? We have distractions all around us.. Sometimes when I am bored or some thing has annoyed me I take to my blog. Sometimes I have a light bulb moment and think I have to write and get this revelation down.. But even in those moments there are other distractions…the cleaning the ironing work Facebook yaddiyaddi yah! The last 24 hours have been pretty horrendous where I live, right now I have no power, electric power, so all my gadgets my phone my internet my wifi no longer exist..where I live has been hit by Desmond the name of the ‘storm’ that passed through here in. The last couple of days, it was bad red weather alerts = definite flooding, they weren’t wrong! I have power in my iPad so am writing this, but no means to send it to my blog…I believe it might be Tuesday before that happens.. I have a gas powered fire in the living room and I have a gas powered oven so for that I am grateful and thankful. I can sit in the warm and eat hot food, many where I live do not have that luxury.. I do not know them or if I do, not well enough, to know their struggles or I would invite them round. That is not my fault if they wanted to know me better they could have but chose not to. But living with an addict puts people off! And tbh we isolate from people.
So here I am in the semi dark my room lit by candles my little furry companion by my side barking at noises I couldn’t hear previously but now In the silence can hear like her. I often have the TV on for noise. I am not watching but it blocked the silence. The silence of living alone. I have been alone for some years sometimes in the company of another sometimes by myself ( by that I mean when you live with an addict you are often alone even if he is there with you) but tonight I think in the 12 years that I have lived in this house I am alone in peace. It is silent. Well it was next door have just come back from the in laws, I can hear them talking. But it is still. I live near a train line, they aren’t running. The high speed trains can’t get to where they should be going. It’s half 7 at night and I can hear very little. Last night I was restless the weather had been so horrendous my house had sprung leaks, water was coming in everywhere through the windows, the porch was like a waterfall, my coats hung there were sodden from the relentless down pouring of rain, water coming in from the upstairs bedroom windows was seeping though the window sills and eventually made its way into the living room below, onto the Christmas lights on the living room window sill, if it hadn’t been for me hearing the cracklings and hissing and switching them off I might not even be sat in this silence! So I thank my HP for looking out for me last night. I am lucky tho, I have my house my things and even if I can’t shower or bathe as I have no hot water I am at home. With so many displaced people in the world right now, I do not feel I have the right to complain because I don’t have electricity. I am pissed off because this weekend I spent £50 on food for Christmas, it’s in my freezer defrosting. I have insurance, but whether I will get the money back or in time for Christmas I do not know. I just wanted this year a Christmas by myself, no stress no hassle just nice food in my freezer to defrost and eat when I wanted to, its less than 3 weeks away…..if I put a claim in now will I get it back in time? Probably not….I won’t even be able to phone until Wednesday! Then have 50 questions as to why I didn’t call before blah blah blah! 😩 I saved long and hard to have a nice Christmas this year. I wanted to be alone, for the last 3 Christmases I have had an addict dictating to me how my money was spent when my money was spent, so once i got my presents out the way bought and paid for, I focused on me, and now Mother Nature ( who between you and me I had labeled my HP along with my group) has pissed on me big style! But as I say I am grateful I am safe I have no fear of bombings tonight, I have no fear of my family being murdered, I might not be able to pick up my phone and call them, I did have to walk to town and find a call box! ( was grateful that they still exist and judging by the queue so were many in my town) but I was able to call work to leave a message and explain I couldn’t do the job I was down to do as I don’t have Internet, I was able to call my mum and say don’t worry yes it is bad but I am alive! But I got complacent I got used to my nice easy life! Right now so many people like you and me are not longer able to pick up their mobiles and call home to say they are safe….they have had to leave their comfortable warm homes with what ever they can carry, including their children, they are hungry and scared and have no where to go…so tonight I can’t watch TV…so what? I can’t get a shower or a bath….so what? …..the food I bought for Christmas is probably ruined….so what? Yes there was water pissing in through my windows, because of that I was nearly electrocuted and my house burnt down but it wasn’t…. But did I think I might have been bombed NO! did I think I wouldn’t be able to go to the pub and catch up with my mates if I wanted to?NO! Do you think tomorrow I might be worried about what I will have to eat this day or Christmas Day NO! Please for the love of your God and my HP think about those poor people that are displaced and looking for refuge, I won’t get into the politics of us bombing Syria or the refugees and where they should settle, but just think for a minute how lucky you are to be reading this with Internet and power when so many do not have even a safe haven tonight.
I had started off this post thinking about the peace and quiet and how it felt weird not to have other things buzzing around – other distractions, because I can’t do the hoovering ( wouldn’t have btw) I can’t do the cleaning in the dark, I can’t watch TV, no Facebook or games I like to play, so could only focus on this post. I was grateful for that but more grateful that even though right now for someone so used to having access to these things these distractions, my phone my internet etc, ultimately I am safe. I am not in fear of my life. And I hope if you are in a position to read this neither are you.
Life is hard at times, but ultimately we have it easy. If you have a mobile have Internet and a safe warm bed or home and food then give thanks for that..yeah shit happens, right now where I live some are being flooded out of their homes have no insurance for the damage, I am lucky right now, no power for 48-72 hours won’t kill me – it’s inconvenient, but that’s it inconvenient.. So if you’re a refugee from Syria or Cumbria or Lancashire ( or even addiction) may you find refuge and peace, it matters not where you are fleeing or what you are fleeing we all should have the right to a peaceful nights sleep with out fear. Do not judge unless you have walked in their shoes.
Thank you for reading peace out x