Still finding it hard 

I sometimes wonder as I get stronger when or if it will happen if I will ever find the real serenity and spirituality I deserve. In my new group I listened to the shares some still living with their addicted loved ones ( mainly partners in this group so good for my progress) I want to learn how they do it. I want to learn how it’s possible to live in/with active addiction. This new group is not drug focus its alcohol I don’t know enough about it to know if it’s the same or different?? I think with narcotics it’s totally illegal so it is different alcohol is legal accepted even encouraged in some settings. In British culture it’s so embedded not having a drink is almost seemed weird, unnatural 😕 you’re seen as boring or  you are asked are you ill? if you ask for a soft drink in a pub or on a night out. So still a long way to go and lots to learn but with the strength and love of my HP I hope to learn and gain the strength. 

It’s funny I don’t even care anymore of the hurt caused to me by others behaviour towards me this week. Their wrong assumptions actually are their problem not mine. 1 year ago – 6 months ago I would have been desperate for that person’s love and wanted them to want to be my friend – now I am no longer worried. Not because I don’t care about them – I do – but I am no longer that needy person I was, grabbing onto any scrap of friendship or love offered to me. Now I accept my wrongs apologies when I am wrong and my behaviour has impacted on someone, but I am not responsible for anyone else’s perceptions of me or their perceptions of things I have said or done. With that I say good night 


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