Putting off the story

I am putting my story on hold, not because I don’t want to write it but because it’s so painful. I think I am strong enough to write it start and then stop. The next proper blog is going to delve into a part of my life that nearly ended it, my life I mean. I want to write it objectively but also want to explain how much it hurt me, not for sympathy, but I don’t want to have to revisit it again and again, so need to get it right. I know some of you read with interest maybe it makes you feel better about your own situation, maybe you have genuine interest, maybe you have known me and not realised what was going on whilst I was chatting to you sharing a drink or working with you. So now are ‘amazed’ I seemed to show nothing on the surface or realise why I was so crazy last summer, because I was so close to dying very few realised. But how could I say so if you didn’t know what had lead up to it all….How could I tell you I wanted to die, for the pain I felt was nothing like I had felt before. And trying to write it now is still very hurtful and painful, because I will have to relive it. So bear with me, because Just for today I just need to adjust myself to what is and not To try to adjust everything to my desires….I know some of you will understand that some of you wont, you don’t need to.

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