The call to detox! ( the first time)

After waiting what seemed like an age, we had a meeting, with the care co-ordinater ( funding) and his key worker. We had been waiting about a year, but we were told that detox and rehab would probably be available in about 6 weeks. He had to engage with services and go to groups, but this was it…
About 2 weeks into the wait he was arrested for some theft or other, he was given a court date.
The morning he went to court, he found some drugs in a pair of trousers he had borrowed from his brother in law. He used cocaine at the weekends and K just thought it was coke, so injected himself with it. When he came down stairs I had never seen him look so ill. They say if you are ill you look green? He did, he was sweating shaking his heart was racing. I can’t go to court love I am too ill. What have you done? I found some stuff in C’s pocket i injected it. What was it? I don’t know….for fucks sake, was he for real?
We later found out it was MDMA!! No wonder he was ill injecting that into his body!
I will take you to court you have to go. We got to court but he was ill. There was talk of a Drugs Rehabilitation Order, he was refusing point blank to accept it. I didn’t understand why. I thought surely this is what he needs. Giving clean samples regularly then hopefully he will get in to detox to come off the methadone. But he kept saying I will refuse to do it if they give it to me so persuaded the probation officer to go for community service.
And what K wants K gets! His community service was for about 10 weeks. The placement for detox was taken away, I was devastated. He said he was too but he then disengaged once he was told he had to start again after the community service was over. Why was there always something! Would he ever get to detox? I even wondered if he was secretly pleased. He could go on using.
I think because I was nagging at him to re-engage with services he eventually did. He kept saying he didn’t want to use, would increase his methadone and then use all the more. It was a vicious circle. But to be fair they did agree to give him 3 or 4 days worth at a time, so at least we could get up to mine over the weekends and he wasn’t using then. Well to start with. He might use Monday or Tuesday through to Thursday then have a 3 days off, then it would be can we score before we go to yours on the Friday, then it was can we come back Sunday night then Sunday morning so in the end the only day he wasn’t using was Saturday. Because I didn’t understand that I couldn’t change him I used to get upset with him, I was upset with myself too for giving in to his demands for money, why couldn’t I say no? So on and on it went. We were told that the funding stream had been changed, so it was going to even harder for him to get to detox. I felt for him I really did. Sometimes we would be on the bed watching TV and would talk. He would tell me how he didn’t want to live like this, how he wanted a nice life free from drugs and methadone, be with me and have a good life together. I believed him, why wouldn’t i? It was what I want to hear!
So we stated the waiting game again.


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