Desperately seeking….(part one)

I like order. My days are taken up with times I have to be somewhere. I don’t like being late, it has an impact on the people I am going to interpret for. Sometimes things out of my control make me late, it stresses me out. A small thing to stress about in the great scheme of things but it does. Because when I was living in addiction being late became more prevalent. Not thro my lateness but when you are waiting on dealers then you work by their time scales not your own. Often we would set off with plenty of time to spare and then I would only get to work with seconds before being late because we had waited 45 minutes before the runner came out, or once we had scored had to get to a chemist for pins it started to affect me, I thought if I made a fuss it would stop but it didn’t it just made for tension between us.
One of my worst days is what I am about to tell you about. We were still in the shared house. I had a job in the afternoon. We didn’t have a lot of cash I think it might have been a a Thursday as there was money in the account but not a great deal. He asked if he could borrow £20 and if he could take the car. It was early 8ish and I didn’t want to get up. You stay in bed love I will go and come back. Ok I say he had my PIN number so gave him my cash card and car keys and phone. After about an hour I started to worry a bit. I couldn’t call him he had my phone! But I just had a feeling this wasn’t right. I made some tea and went back to bed to watch Jeremy Kyle! I thought if I haven’t heard by the time it’s finished I will have to do something (10.30am) it finished still not back. The familiar feeling of panic was creeping up, where the fuck was he?? Had the police pulled him over ( he didn’t have a licence and I didn’t have insurance for him to drive the car ) I got a shower I would have to leave for work soon come on babe please come back.

I didn’t really know what to think. Had he been pulled over by the police in the car? Had he been arrested? Had he OD? This just wasn’t like him..I was in a total state of panic. I HAD to leave for work soon, I needed the car back….I then made a decision that was probably crazy, but I didn’t know what else to do. I had recently  been on a job in a police station and when I was waiting someone had come in because their car had gone ‘missing’. They had parked it in a dodgy place on double  yellows or something of the like and when they had got back it wasn’t there. They wanted to know if it had been towed and impounded . This flashed thro my head. Had this happened my car had been impounded? Had he been caught driving it? When you live in chaos it happens that chaos happens! So there I am for 4 hours now he awol!

So I get up and walk to town, it was about a mile or so to the police station but I didn’t know where else to go. All I can focus on is I have to get to work, but I don’t have the cash and I don’t have my cash card to get any cash and I don’t have a car, so I too was about to become AWOL! ….. Tbc


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