Jumping thro hoops

good to his word he went to CDT I don’t know if all are the same or whether its just the one at Macclesfield that is fucked but the whole system is crazy. Over the coming months I got more and more frustrated with them the system and the general stupidness of it all. I didn’t think for one minute that it might be karl that was making it difficult. He could do no wrong.

He told me he had to go to groups before they could help him which kinda made sense to me. I think to start with he tried to engage he was going to groups I even dropped him off a few times or picked him up. But his enthusiasm started to wan, he started not going as often I probably didn’t help by telling him he had to go to get  the help he needed. What did I know? But I thought I knew best! That’s the problem when you get involved with someone else’s addiction you think as the non user you know best. You start to try to control every thing. You don’t mean to but you do. In my head to me karl going to groups was his key to get into detox. Why wouldn’t he want to go to groups and get into detox? He wanted to get off the gear didn’t he? But I was jumping ahead a bit ha more projection – told you it is a defect I have!

He was offered a community detox. This was meant to be in someone’s house in the community. He lasted all of 2 days. Then he ran away but couldn’t get into his flat as he had left his keys. He slept in the hallway and phoned me the next day, and said he had run off. He asked for me to come over, the day after I did. I was disappointed by him leaving I said if he really wanted to stop he would do it. He said the pills didn’t help but he was really against taking methadone again. I suppose I made an ultimatum and said I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t want to help himself and get clean. I said a lot of things I didn’t act on! He said he didn’t want to live like this, I believed he didn’t. He said he would get help, again. I believed him – again.

A couple of weeks before Christmas I had to go to the office Christmas party 😔 I also had to go down the night before for a ‘team’ day. I liked the people I worked with but to be honest I felt panicky about being away for 2 days. Also as it was mid month I didn’t have much spare cash. But off I went. It actually was ok I didn’t have any money to pay for the hotel which was a bit embarrassing but my manager paid for me, I did think that work were paying and they were but apparently I had to pay and claim it back. I hadn’t budgeted for it. Anyway  toning of any interst happened. I had a phone call from him asking me for money, but until I got my travel expenses on the Friday I couldn’t do anything. He said he had been looking for a job I was made up!

Things were a bit quiet the week before Christmas we had planned on having our first Christmas together and I was dead excited, we also got paid a week early so I bought him a new tracky and some other bits and pieces. If my memory serves me right I went home as I had a local job on the Thursday before Christmas and had a job in Leeds on the Friday. We spoke on the Thursday and arranged for me to go to his on the Friday to pick him up and come back to mine for the Christmas break. I drove down to Macclesfield from leeds, to the house but he wasn’t there, I tried phoning but no answer. I was worried. I thought he had been quiet all day and I had tried to phone a couple of times in the day. When you are with an addict a lot of things go thro your head when you can’t get in touch, the worse that maybe he has had some bad drugs or they have OD-ed, and are face down in a toilet somewhere with a needle in their groin.

Oh yeah I haven’t gone into the reality of how he used have I? This wasnt chasing the dragon or using veins in his arms they had collapsed long ago, no he injected into his groin. So for me the image of him face down in the public toilets trousers half mast ass in the air was a real possibility. I got to the house and once I had established he wasn’t there panic mode kicked in again. What had happened? Why wouldn’t he answer the phone. What should I do? I couldn’t get into his room….I made the decision to go home what else could I do? I phoned Ali and explained what had happened well not what had happened but the fact he had disappeared. I came home and we had a few pre Christmas drinks what else could we do!

A lot later my home phone rang. Shit no one called my home phone! I answered, it was the police! They had him in custody and we’re keeping him in til Monday! Monday that’s chrsitmas eve for fucks sake! He will be at Crewe magistrates court 10am. Right thanks for telling me… What more could I say! I was overwhelmed with emotions relief, confusion, anger, but mainly relief. He was alive I just assumed he had been caught when he was scoring. I was scared too for the impact it might have on me if work or my parents found out. But he was ALIVE!

So Christmas Eve I set off nice and early and drove down to Crewe. I arrived early and it was a special court as it was Christmas eve, can I help you security asked, yes I am here to see someone, K J..? . Yes I say puzzled that they should know him by name. Yes he’s the only case we have. There was a blond woman in her 40’s there. Hi she says I am K’s solicitor. Hi I say what’s going on? He’s been arrested for theft from a vehicle. What when? 17th December…. Light switch moment🔦 the 17th was when I was away and we had no money! Instead of being pissed off I blamed my self, I had failed him so he had to turn to crime it was all my fault!

He was convicted and tagged to my address for 2 months. This was very complicated! He had also recently been prescribed  meth, but now he had been tagged to my address it was Christmas Eve he needed his script sorting, we had to get back to mine for G4 to come round to tag him, he wanted to see his family before coming to mine, oh yeah and we also had to score!

Drugs came first so back to Macclesfield, the to the CDT and chemist, he had been given enough meth until the 27th to get us through Christmas. So we could come back down on the 27th and get it transferred up to my chemist, they needed my doctors details so that he could sign the script but because of his tag we had to be at mine 7pm to 7am. We then drove to Congleton to see his sister and family, and eventually set off home. The tagging company eventually arrived about 10 pm it’s been a busy day they said! Tell me about it!

Merry Christmas everyone!

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